The Latest Report  from the CIA (Cedros Intelligence Agency)

August10th - The Headlines: Cedros Guerillas? - Alcoa on their Own? - The 'real' John Jones?

Today's  Big Story - Guerillas in the Mist

Just when you thought that gang violence in Laventille, Murders and Kidnapping were the problem, guess what? Cedros is the real threat! Those fishermen down there found a way to turn Coconuts and Kingfish into C4 and are now threatening death and destruction. Boy, if we would have just waited another 44 years to fix their roads they would have never been able to leave Cedros to come to turn Trinidad into to murder capital of the Caribbean.

Makes you wonder who makes up this stuff. What other threats are there to expect for the peaceful nation of Trinidad from those savages in Cedros? We went deep undercover to discover the dirt on the guerilla movement in Cedros. After all, the report on this didn't come from one of those newspaper that usually reports on three headed babies and Alien abductions, this was one of the major newspapers, the real "press".

What we found was very disturbing, there are at least 15 guerilla organizations in the Cedros Peninsula. Many of them even consisting of more than one person. We found the Granville Granny Army or GGA in what we thought was the sleepy village of Granville. These feisty ladies had their handbags loaded since 1977 and are just waiting to come to prosperous Pt. Fortin, the model of progress and prosperity to wreak havoc. One of their first terror targets? Inside sources point at "several retail establishments that accept linx" We also found another terror group in Cedros itself, calling themselves the Fishermen United Cedros Klan (we're not sure if they have an abbreviation!) These 'rougues in pirougues' found a clever method of turning coconuts, kingfish bones and some ordinairy toothpaste into C4. This menacing group lead by a guy who only identified himself to us as "old dirty bastard' says, he planned attacks at the heart of the energy industry, you local gas station. "I will fill my tank up until there's no more oil left for BP and Exxon, let's see what they do then, ha?", he proclaimed proudly.

We also found that there were gangs in Cedros. A phenomenon so far only experienced in the East West Corridor of Trinidad, it has reached into Cedros. The gang leaders did not want to be identified and only referred to themselves as the CPEP.

Most sinister of all, there is a group operating in the Cedros Peninsula that may be the worst threat of all. This sinister group are a little more subtle. They plan to poison the population slowly by releasing dangerous toxins into the air and water...There is not enough space in this column to deal with their past and present activities so the CIA has to refer you to www.nosmeltertnt.com for more information on this sinister gang.

Alcoa on their Own? Government Out?

If you can believe the newspaper that started spreading the guerilla story, Alcoa's smelter in Trinidad will be now 100% Alcoa owned. According to this amazing report on the 10th of August, Alcoa had withdrawn the CEC application they never filed. However, no other newspaper in the country had reported anything like that so the CIA will have to investigate this matter further. We thought when the T&T government decides to pull out of spending 2.4 billion dollars of tax payers money, somebody would report this. We figure it would be headline news. We will report further on this fishy story.

The  Amazing Mr. Jones!

As you may remember, the CIA's undercover investigations first brought to light the incredible amount of lies and inaccuracies in Alcoa's CEC application. Of course, Alcoa's Wade Hughes claims in the papers that Alcoa never filed an application. However, Alcoa's web own web site proudly proclaims, "We filed a CEC application for the Chatham/Cap de Ville Smelter in January 2005" (Hey, Alcoa, don't even try to change your web site now, we got the screen captured) Here is the link to Alcoa's site http://www.alcoa.com/trinidad_tobago/en/project/smelter_project.asp   

After further investigation into the CEC application that Alcoa 'never filed' we found another disturbing fact. The application was signed by the same Mr. John Jones that told the newspapers about the 'governement pullout' on the Alcoa deal. It turns out that John Jones also signed an application for the Port in Chatham about two months later. But guess what, the signatures don't match! Mr. Jones had undergone a complete personality change in two months. See this amazing change for yourself at www.nosmeltertnt.com/nec_jones.html